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Appetizers
Steamed Artichoke
Organically grown California artichoke, steamed, talked sternly to, and served with an organic oregano and garlic balsamella sauce for dipping.
Fried Goat Cheese Medalions
Low-fat goat cheese, breaded, fried, and served with a rosemary, garlic and sun-dried tomato sauce for skinny-dipping.
Uncle Manny's Grilled Shrimp
A brutal recipe of prawns grilled to an Uncle Manny twenty-count (Uncle Manny was a heavy drinker), bitch-slapped with organic basil, extra virgin olive oil and garlic.
Overstuffed Mushrooms Orson
Cremini mushroom caps stuffed with shrimp, porcini mushroom, and a blend of romano, parmesan, and provolone cheese. Served on a sled.
Bruschetta and Roasted Garlic
Toasted, highly intelligent Italian bread with a whole bulb of freshly roasted organic garlic and pound of fresh weight watching Olestra. Toot your own horn.
Aunt Apollonia's Midnight Obsession
Highly organic dirt dished with a tarnished spoon, served with a side of cousin Santino's paste. Highly recommended and gratifyingly expensive!
Soups and Salads
Fredo's House Salad
Organic mixed greens, roma tomato, gold bell pepper, and shaved purple onion. Fredo was killed for this recipe, so you'd better enjoy it.
Caesar Salad
A large serving of organic mixed greens and early Roman era croutons with our salmonela-free, eggless Caesar dressing. Order this only if you can explain the point of eating an eggless Caesar dressing.
Tomato Mozzarella Salad
Thinly sliced, organically-grown, fresh roma tomatoes with slices of whole mozzarella cheese and organic basil in a balsamic vinagrette.
Minestrone
The Italian classic made with cruelty-free ingredients. Visualize whirled chick peas.
Tuscan Onion and Garlic Soup
An oniony garlicky taste treat, but definitely a soup for the lovelorn.
Soup Liana
An expensive, high-status, organic, cruelty- and hormone-free cream soup with sea bass, mussels, farm-raised clams, and shrimp, topped with chives and gently grated parmesan cheese, served with much aplomb, groveling and asides to the general clientele on your good taste and obvious breeding.
Entrees
Classic Lasagna (la zawn ya)
The definitive Italian lasagna with spicy Italian sausage, and hormone- and cruelty-free mozzarella, riccotta, parmesan, and romano cheese. No imagination required.
Canneloni della Vigilia
Canneloni stuffed with spinach and riccotta cheese, served with your choice of balsamella and parmesan or marinara sauce. The "vigil" comes later in the evening.
Linguini with Red Clam Sauce
Fresh linguini served in a classic tomato sauce with farm-raised clams, red wine and garlic. just say "Howdy there, li'l segniorena!"
Ravioli
Stuffed with prosciutto, porcini mushrooms and spinach, served with balsamella and parmesan or marinara sauce. A bitch to make but Oh So Sassy!
Uncle Manny's
Niece's Pet Easter Duck "Waddles"
(Traditional Pasta Especiale)
Smoked, gender-inspecific, free-range duck in an organically-grown, sun-dried tomato-herb pesto, served on a platonic, mutually-supportive bed of farfalle noodles.
Chicken Marsalla
Whole free-range chicken breast in a Marsalla sauce with braised onion, garlic, and sauteed mushrooms.
Veal Marsalla
Abused, hormone- and antibiotic-filled, frightened veal cutlet standing for months in the same sauce -- for conscienceless bastards.
Veal Vincenzo
For the karmically ignorant, veal loin chop sauteed with commercially-grown sage, cheap garlic, and industrial-grade chardonnay.
Beef Tenderloin Medallions
Tender slices of homone- and cruelty-free, non-human sentient being tenderloin in a red wine demiglaze.
Il Sea Duce
Bold, hairless, sexy, aggressively seasoned sea bass in a socially democratic sauce of extra virgin olive oil, lemon zest, garlic and northern alpine herbs. Never surrender your plate!
Eggplant Parmesan
Eggplant, the haggis of the vegetable world, served in a spicy marinara sauce with very ripened mozzarella and parmesan cheese.
Desserts
Poached Pear
Vine-ripened, stolen pears, poached in red wine, clove, and brown sugar, served with ameretti cookies.
Cannelloni
Fried pastry shell filled with Italian custard cream. Very traditional and unexciting. Get a life.
Antonio's Cheese Cake
New York-style cheese cake with a raspberry glaze topping floating on dark chocolate sauce. A mugging in each serving.
Apple Tart
Warm apple pastry a la mode drizzled with caramel sauce and served on a strumpet.
Sun-Dried Prawns Valdez
Shrimp served in raw crude oil, for those who just can't get enough to eat before desert.
To comment, complain or confess, send email to the Monks of Ann Arbor Abbey.
Copyright © 1997-2007 Kirk R. Humphries and Sandy Marshall. All rights reserved. Weasel Breweries, Monks of Ann Arbor Abbey, and Old Pyehole are trademarks of Kirk Humphries and Sandy Marshall. And so is a lot of other stuff. So there.
Last update: 12 October 2007